January 26

Grief

As I’m sitting here attempting to come up with something for my blog post something else has captured my full attention. It is ripping away at any and all thought processes and filling my ears with an one lyric song. This emotion is making everything that needs to be done unworkable, impracticable, and futile. This emotion fills my lungs and begs for more of my valuable air.

This emotion is grief.

Three years ago I lost a best friend and the world lost a beautiful women. She had been at war with a brain tumor for a year and a half. She had been winning too. A few of my friends and I were taking the day to go and see her. Nearly half way there we received a call. If you can guess we never saw her again.

It didn’t feel real. Nothing felt real. Denial had struck my body like a lightning bolt. The bolt had fried my brain and set my heart ablaze.

That was three years ago, but in my mind it has been an eternity. In this lifetime of despair, the seven stages of grief have blossomed and greeted me at the beginning and end of everyday. As of today I’m in the depressed stage. However, as the new year is here I have hope. I want to get towards accepting it and being able to speak about it. I want to take these next 365 days one day at a time.

I know it’s what she would’ve wanted.