Gagged, Bound, and Totally Ready to Tell You.

Ever been forced to do something? Like write a blog post, perchance?

*COUGHCOUGH* BEING FORCED TO DO THIS *COUGHCOUGH*

What was that? Oh, I think I might be coming down with something. At least I can tell you with this blog post I AM WILLINGLY WRITING! BY MYSELF!!!!!

*COUGHCOUGH* BUT I’M NOT *COUGHCOUGH*

This is so awesome! What should we talk about?

*COUGHCOUGH* AFRAID *COUGHCOUGH*

I dunno! But it’ll be sooooo fun!

(Witty comment) (Sarcasm) (Blunt insult) (Truth, cold) (Truth, hard)

YAYYYY! HELP MEE-

 

Maus

This’ll probably turn out to be a book report.

A SHORT book report, due to my laziness, but a book report nonetheless.

Okay, let’s get this over with…

Maus is about Nazis. In Poland.

It’s a graphic novel.

Oh, and all the characters are animals. The Germans are cats, the Jews are mice, the Poles are pigs, the French are frogs, the Swedes are elk,-the Americans are even dogs!

This sound weird yet?

It’s basically a cartoonist talking with his father about the Holocaust.

They are also mice.

If I wanted to look at mice being depressing, I would find a Pearls Before Swine strip.

But it’s really good!

Really!

I mean it…

Did I mention the father doesn’t have proper grammar due to being Polish?

…I hate everthing you do.

I hate basically everything you do.

Do you chew gum? Ugh.

Do you talk during class when I’m TRYING TO WORK?!

Do you giggle? I hate giggling.

Do you constantly complain about other people, then you do all those things? I HATE YOU MOST OF ALL.

Do you : Chew your food with your mouth open, hum during a test or homework, talk too much, interrupt me, kick my desk, chair, or table, write without Oxford commas, have a speech impediment, (AND talk all the time.) think you’re entitled, ask how to spell simple words, ask why there is New York but no Old York*, use wrong it’s/its, use wrong there/their/they’re, or any other similar words, etc.

So basically I hate 99% of humanity.

Because 99% of humanity are idiots.

*There is an ‘old York’, but it’s just called York.

Birthday!

Happy birthday to me!

My best friend is sick, and probably for one of the ARBITRARY reasons she is sick every GOSH DARNED MAONDAY!
You know I didn’t want to say ‘gosh darned.’
I’m beginning to hate her, because they are arbitrary reasons. ‘I ate too much Halloween candy.’ ‘I had a cold.’ ‘I got Ebola.’
And up to now I tolerated it. But you can’t skip my birthday Anika.
YOU CAN’T SKIP MY BIRTHDAY!

That’s it. Have fun finding another friend.

That, or bake me cupcakes or something.

You can’t skip my birthday unless you’re dead.

Which you will be.

Words and Stuff

Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day? No, I’d be more accurate comparing you to a bored person reading a blog post that probably isn’t worth your time.

I have such a way with words.

But anyway, I realized that even thought it’s great knowing big words, it isn’t really worth anything unless you know a LOT of big words. For example, what sounds better: “Sarah sat on her chair, a melancholy expression on her face,” or “Sarah slumped down in her chair, a melancholy expression on her face, halfway between a pout and complete boredom.”

More is better. Whoever says different is trying to raise their own self esteem.

Shakespeare got it. What sounds better, “Shall I compare thee to a summers day,” or “You’re pretty.”

I dunno, but Shakespeare is awesome. Or should I say, none is so magnificent, so awe-inspiring, so great, as the one they call Shakespeare.