How To Survive School and Keep the Shattered Remains of Your Sanity Pt. 1


1. Plan:
This is a Zombie Apocalypse. Plan. Organize. Survival of the Fittest in this brutal world, and you need grades to survive.

  • If it helps, you can set reminders. It usually doesn’t, though.
  • You can write assignments on your arm, hand, or somewhere you always go.
  • Keep all your homework in one folder. If you keep it in the binder for that subject, you’ll have too much to carry.
  • DO NOT ask your parents to remind you. It might help at first, but as you get more experienced it’ll just get annoying.

2. Motivation
Goodness knows you need it.

  • Play any music that was in a Rocky montage. I prefer ‘Eye of the Tiger.’
  • Tell yourself the truth—if you get good grades, you can brag about how smart you are.
  • Act overly dramatic, i.e. “Oh, woe is me! Homework, my greatest foe..!” Extra points if you do it in rhyme and/or Shakespearian.
  • Your parents won’t make you do anything if you say, “I’m doing homework!”
  • Your teachers and parents will be convinced you are a super genius-valedictorian-hard-worker.
  • Learn the national anthem, either of your country or a country you don’t know. Sing it under your breath(or loudly, I guess) while you are struggling through your homework and imagine you are doing a great service for the country the anthem belongs to.

    3. Actual Knowledge
    Doing your homework doesn’t mean anything if you don’t know how.

    • Listen to the teacher. I know, I know, but if you know the stuff, you’ll graduate sooner
    •  Do the homework in the last minutes of class. It’ll still be fresh in your mind, so it’ll be easy.
    • Take notes. You aren’t a computer, you can’t remember everything. Write everything down like a mindless drone. EVERYTHING.
    • Stop talking to your friends in class. You’ll have to whisper, and you’ll get caught. Plus, you aren’t a secret agent, you’re a survivor!
    • Think about the subjects. History, for example. The Revolutionary war wasn’t a boring battle. It was a blood-stained, fight against the overtaxing British, ruler of the colonies and greatest empire since Rome, and the Americans, the poor colonists, fighting for their freedom. Or, I suppose, if you’re British, how an ungrateful colony spontaneously declared independence because of raised taxes. Either way, it sounds like it could be made into a movie. In fact, the first one already was. It’s called Star Wars. History, doing Star Wars since the 1800’s.