I Never Thought I’d Do This, or: My Five Year Old Self Would Be Ashamed

I never thought I’d do this. I mean, if you’d asked me a couple years ago if I would ever read Vogue and enjoy it, I would say:

“No. Why?”

But, even though I really only watch it to make fun of high fashion (I mean, some of those colors…ugh!) I still compliment and to someone who likes interior designing I might even sound coherent. This would frighten my tiny five year old self to death.

“You LIKE this stuff?!” My cute little self would sqeak.

I would nod solemnly and reply, “It’s fun to laugh at how ridiculous some of these dresses are. Look! Who pairs those two colors tog—”

“STOP!” Chibi me would shriek. “For the love of Tolkien, stop!”

I wouldn’t heed little Chib-me’s words, and continue gushing about dresses and colors and design and GOOD LORD WHO DESIGNED THAT GARBAGE BAG IN THE GUISE OF AN OUTFIT?!

IS SHE EVEN WEARING A SKIRT?

Chib-me hangs her tiny head in shame and shakes her head. She’s so disappointed. Awww.

The Solution to All Our Problems

Okay, look, if you’re reading this blog I think you smart enough to truly understand everything I say.
But there are some things I do not think you are obligated to know.
Like the definition of ersatz, or austere.
You most likely will not ever need to know these words, for there is a far simpler was of saying them.
But I believe that I’m getting off track.

I think everything you do inconveniences someone. For example, you are perhaps inconvenienced when the person next to you is chewing too loudly.
Perhaps you are inconveniencing the teacher by not paying attention.
If everyone just sat down quietly and was completely still, we would all be fine.
Well, we would be bored out of our minds, but less annoyed.
Soon enough we would start humming, or tapping our fingers, or in some way moving.
And then it would start over again.

So basically, you will always be inconvenienced in some way.

GET OVER IT.

(What are your pet peeves? Comments. NOW.)